I often here people say how mental tennis is. And I agree with them. I've played matches I should have won, but lost simply because of a lack of belief in myself. I've gone into matches thinking that I was the underdog and then proceeded to play like I was an underdog, unworthy of winning. I have played matches where there is a complete lack of focus where after the match I could barely recall the score let alone where my blunders were.
As most of you know, I play other sports. I have played hockey games with no subs where we had to play an entire game with no breaks. I have played soccer games in 90-plus degree heat here the other team had scores of subs and seemed ready to run circles around us. There are times at soccer games when people compliment me on my fitness, saying, "Of course you could play the whole game, you're in shape."
I had lunch with a friend today where we talked about the importance of pushing yourself. How many times had we told ourselves 'just skate as hard as you can'? See what happens. 'I'm not tired. Just skate hard one more minute'. So many times I surprise myself when I get to a ball I didn't think I could get to or at the end of a hockey game I think to myself, I cannot believe I played the whole game and didn't die!
It's very easy to be comfortable where you are. There's safety in doing things you've done for years.
I talk about going to the 'Big Bangers' clinic at Franklin on Saturdays. The first clinic I was so intimidated. Everyone there played so much better than me. But what I've found is that everyone there respects me for how hard I work. I realized that the effort is much more impressive than the result and the result is directly related to the effort.
It's been awhile since I blogged, but a few weeks ago at the last campus showdown I attended, I had the pleasure of playing a nine-year old boy. Although he had decent strokes, it was evident from the start that I should beat him. So I took that as an opportunity to work on my B game; serving and volleying, chipping and charging, following everything short to the net. I am not at all comfortable at the net, not as much as I am ripping groundstrokes from the baseline. To be comfortable, you have to experience discomfort.
My life lately have been uncomfortable. Constantly I am finding myself in a position where I have to put myself out there, where I have to talk more than I would normally, where I have to put aside the fear of failing and looking foolish so that I can attempt to succeed at achieving my dreams. When I first met my boyfriend, I told him how I always wanted to play hockey. I signed up to play in a league before I had ever laced up a skate. Then I went to the store and walked up to a salesman and told him that I needed all the equipment to play. My boyfriend asked how did I have the nerve to just show up at a team practice without ever playing.
It was mental. I told myself I could do it and hard as it was, I put myself out there; falling and crashing into the boards, equipment not put on properly where a coach had to pull me aside and fix my helmet like I was a five-year old.
And I learned the difference between courage and fear isn't innate. Everyone is scared. The people who are labelled fearless are scared inside. Courage is simply not letting your fears get the best of you.
My goal is still to be a national tennis champion. I am always scared of humiliating myself, of being the absolutely worse player in the tournament when I check in. Courage.
Stay tuned,
KS
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